Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
try to milk me bitch
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