We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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