I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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