Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
