Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
