dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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