You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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