We won't sleep together?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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