I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
