Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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