Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
