My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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