dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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