ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
