I think im going to throw up on grandma
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
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