So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
