someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
