I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
