How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I look better un-naked...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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