One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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