Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
