**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
