When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
