mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
