If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
