I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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