i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
