Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
