I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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