You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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