there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
