She said her name was "party"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
