I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
