i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
