On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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