My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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