she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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