There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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