I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
