Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
