Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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