we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
