hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
