the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
