yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
