$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
