The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
