You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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