At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
