we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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