kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
