well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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