i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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