being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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