Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
